A patron approached the reference desk holding a title request slip.
Patron: “Can you help me find this book?”
Me [pointing to the next desk over]: “Our Readers’ Advisor will be happy to help you!”
Patron: “Oh, um, I asked her already. She said only you can help me.”
Me: “Are you sure? That’s unusual…”
Patron: “You are the only person who can help me find this book.”
Me: “All right. What’s the title?”
Patron: “How to Get a Date With a Cute Librarian.”
Me: “Oh. I see.”
Patron hollering at me from across the lobby: “Wow, you’re pale! Do you have a blood circulation disorder?”
This morning, a man called the library with a reference question and special request.
Man: “Can you please look up the lyrics to the theme song for Scooby-Doo?”
Me: “Sure! Would you like me to read them to you, or email them, or—”
Man: “Could you please sing them to me?”
As I was showing a middle-aged patron the arts and crafts section, she complimented my bright yellow tights.
Patron: “I used to have a pair just like that in the 60’s.”
Me: “Oh wow! Well, dig them out and put them on because colored tights are back in style!”
Patron [blushing]: “Oh, haha, I didn’t actually wear them…they were used for all sorts of things back then.”
A woman called the library looking for books on saints. A quick computer search showed that all we had on hand was an encyclopedia of saints and a book on Francis of Assisi.
Patron: “What about this Harry Potter fella? Do you have books about him checked in today?”
Me: “Well, he’s a fictional character who is a wizard—”
Patron: “That sounds good.”
Me: “But he’s not a saint, is that okay?”
Patron: “Does he use swear words?”
Me: “Not that I recall, but he does lie on occasion and there is a fair amount of sorcery and violence in the books.”
At the university library during finals week.
Me: “Thank you for calling the library. How may I help you?”
Man: “Can you read me a list of all the books by John Grisham?”
Me: “Sure, I can help you with that. Are you looking for print books, audio, adult, young adult, youth fiction, non-fiction?”
Him: “Just read me the list of his books.”
Me: “Okay…” [I start going through the list]
Him: “Can you go a little slower?”
Me: “Okay. Sure.” [I slow down.]
About halfway through the list I notice a distinct change in the man’s breathing.
Me: “Are you okay, sir?”
Him [whispering, panting]: “Oh, yeah, you like that don’t you?”
Me [realizing what the man is most likely doing on the other end of the line]: “That’s all the books by Grisham. Goodbye.”
Him: “But I’m not done!”
Me: “I am!”
A man came in to return some overdue DVDs. The fines pushed his account over the limit so he wouldn’t be able to check out more materials until he made a payment.
Man: “I can only pay a little bit today, but I think it’ll get me down enough so I can get some books.”
Me: “Great! Yeah, no rush on paying the balance. Just pay a little when you can.”
After he walked away to browse the shelves, I asked the next person in line how I could help them.
Woman: “Yes, I’d like to request a book and also pay the rest of that man’s fines.”
Me [taken off-guard]: “Wow, that’s very nice of you. Are you sure?”
Woman [taking out her wallet]: “Absolutely. It’s perfectly fine with me.”
Black Friday at the librarian’s house.
On the inside of an old library book.
Patron: “I need help with the computer. I saved something and now I can’t find it.”
Me: “Okay, well, where did you save it?” [I was prepared to point out the signs reminding patrons not to save to the hard drives on the public computers because they get refreshed each night.]
Patron [holding up a flash drive]: “On this.”
Me: “Oh, okay. You’ll have to plug it into the computer to get the file off of it.”
I am a driver on our city’s bookmobile. One of our regular families came aboard. I should mention that the mom has eyebrows penciled onto her face. As I was helping them check out, the mom was telling me all about how she just loved to read. She said, “People always look at me like I’m crazy because I always have a book in my hand.”
Her six-year-old daughter looks up at her and says, “It’s because you don’t have eyebrows.”