I work at a public library.

Existentialism @ Your Library

Tue, 22 May 2012 20:27:58 -0700

Today, I was shelving DVDs when I heard a lone man whispering under his breath nearby. Apparently, he was a bit mentally distracted and consumed by my presence:

“She’s there, she’s right there. She’s not too close, don’t freak out, don’t freak out. She’s not even looking at you. Don’t worry, don’t worry. Just pick a movie and be done with it. Don’t. Freak. Out. She doesn’t even know you exist.”

American, Feeling less

Mon, 21 May 2012 12:45:28 -0700

A man asked to speak with the librarian in charge because he wanted to lodge a formal complaint against other patrons in the library.

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Him: “Well, as a Christian and an American, I just get kind of annoyed when people annoy me. I can tell when I sit down next to certain people at a computer, they have a problem with who I am.”

Me: “Can you please give me an example of how the people bother you?”

Him: “Well, for instance, one day I was on Burger King’s website and someone looked over at my screen and suddenly they were on the Burrito Queen’s website. Do you see what I mean. Another time, someone handed me a pencil in a rude way. It made me feel like less of an American.”

Me: “What would you like to see happen?”

Him: “I’d like to write a list of all the times and dates these things happen. So you can tell the government.”

Me: “Well, you are certainly welcome to do so, but I don’t really see how the library can speak up on your behalf in any real way. Can you just come get me the next time someone makes you feel less American?”

Him: “Yes, that’d be okay. Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I can tell you don’t think I’m crazy or a liar.”

Lost, Get

Thu, 17 May 2012 11:44:58 -0700

Elderly patron, timidly: “Where are the computers?”

Me: “There are some in the Adult Department and in the coffee/vending machine area.”

Patron: “Thank you. If I get lost, someone will come find me right?”

Blu-rays, DVDs versus

Thu, 17 May 2012 11:43:52 -0700

A patron walked up to the desk carrying about 10 Blu-rays.

Patron: “Excuse me! None of these would play!”

Me [knowing Blu-rays are often confused with DVDs]: “These won’t work in a regular DVD player.”

Patron: “Yes, I know that.”

Me: “Do you have a Blu-ray player?”

Patron: “Yes.”

At this point, I become concerned and start looking them over them for obvious defects.

Me: “I just don’t understand why they won’t play. Especially if you have a Blu-ray player…”

Patron: “Oh I don’t have one of those.”

Me: “—”

Dumbo, Me

Fri, 11 May 2012 14:15:51 -0700

A young man with special needs approached the desk.

“Do you have Rocky Balboa?”

“Do you mean the Rocky movies?”

“No, it’s a DVD called Rocky Balboa, dumbo.”

Everything, Ruining

Fri, 11 May 2012 14:12:17 -0700

A disgruntled woman approached the desk.

“I cannot BELIEVE the nerve of some people, dog-earing the pages of the Bestsellers! Do they think they OWN the books? I think you should give a bookmark to every single person who checks out a book. I mean it. THEY ARE RUINING EVERYTHING. I will help make the bookmarks if that’s what it takes.”

In the library Lost and Found.

Fri, 11 May 2012 14:08:37 -0700

In the library Lost and Found.

Fri, 11 May 2012 08:24:00 -0700

In the library Lost and Found.

Photo

Thu, 10 May 2012 13:51:03 -0700

Birthday, It's my

Wed, 09 May 2012 10:07:16 -0700

I happened to be in the lobby when a pink-haired woman walked in the front door, ripped some library event flyers down from our bulletin board, and threw them in the recycle bin.

Me [incredulously]: “Why did you do that?!”

Woman: “I was heppin’ you out. And it’s my birthday, so get out of my way.”

And then she left.

Outhouses, Cats and

Tue, 08 May 2012 19:06:25 -0700

Snippet of conversation I overheard as I passed a couple using the Internet computers in our Adult Department: “Well, she has a lot of cats, so she just builds outhouses…”

Nice, You look

Fri, 04 May 2012 11:32:48 -0700

One homeless man to another: “You look very nice. Your clothes are nice. You care about personal hygiene, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do. You look very nice too.”

“Thank you.”

(And as the outsider who knows them both – it is true, they both do always look very nice.)

Dancers, White with

Fri, 04 May 2012 09:50:35 -0700

Patron [digging through wallet for library card]: “Let’s see. It’s white with the dancers on it…well, it reminds me of dancers. Hmmm. Oh, I’m in the wrong pocket…it’s with the medical insurance card. Medical insurance is blue with the fireworks…let’s see. I need to label this wallet better.”

Job Searching, Sort of

Wed, 02 May 2012 14:09:27 -0700

One of our regulars came up to the desk to get his printouts. Making small talk, I asked him how his job search was going. He said, “Oh, I’m not really looking. I just fill out the forms so I can get the benefits.”

Meetings, Those beloved librarian

Wed, 02 May 2012 09:41:01 -0700

One of the more excruciating things in libraries are the librarian meetings. They are long and full of too many women and mistakes.

At my last meeting, we broke into small groups to share ideas on how to make our library more innovative. An administrator was to type up our notes on the projected laptop as we shared with the larger group. Since she was struggling to keep up, one innovative group had the idea to type and email their notes to her so she could easily copy and paste it into the working document.

Hard, Change is

Tue, 01 May 2012 22:22:52 -0700

Patron to librarian: “Pardon me, but could you check this in for me? I’d like a receipt. Also, could you get someone else to help me? I’ve never seen you here before. Thanks.”

Swan, Black

Tue, 01 May 2012 07:18:29 -0700

An elderly woman called the library asking if I’d seen the movie Black Swan. I replied I hadn’t. She told me she had heard it was a dirty movie and wanted to know why someone would make a dirty movie about ballet dancing. I replied I didn’t know but I could find out who directed it and she could ask them. She then asked me for the number for Purchase College (located near Harrison, NY where parts of the movie were filmed). I asked if there was a specific department she would like. She said just the general phone number. While looking up the phone number she asked why someone would make a dirty movie in Rye-Harrison. I replied “I do not know.” I gave her a phone number and we said goodbye. She called 3 times that afternoon saying the same thing. It was the day before a hurricane was coming through the area and this was what she was concerned about. I decided to check out the movie (n_n).

Listening, Sleep

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 11:39:33 -0700

Patron: “I need lyrics to a certain song. I listen to a lot of stuff in the middle of the night so I don’t always catch the artist and I tried to call them but they didn’t know so can you help me? It goes like this: ‘la la la la la I turn the radio on.’”

Athiest, Suing an

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 11:37:59 -0700

Patron: “I need a lot of information. I need to know how to sue somebody. Can you tell me how to do that? And he’s an atheist. Is that going to matter?”

Cockroaches, Killing

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 08:31:37 -0700

A guy just asked me why cockroaches don’t die in the microwave. Needing to know where to start my search, I asked how he knew they didn’t. He said, “I have cockroaches and when they are in my microwave they don’t die.”

On Yahoo! answers, someone explained cockroaches have a low water content so they do eventually die, but it takes much longer than expected.