Posts tagged 025.52 Reference Work

Elderly patron, timidly: “Where are the computers?”

Me: “There are some in the Adult Department and in the coffee/vending machine area.”

Patron: “Thank you. If I get lost, someone will come find me right?”

An elderly woman called the library asking if I’d seen the movie Black Swan. I replied I hadn’t. She told me she had heard it was a dirty movie and wanted to know why someone would make a dirty movie about ballet dancing. I replied I didn’t know but I could find out who directed it and she could ask them. She then asked me for the number for Purchase College (located near Harrison, NY where parts of the movie were filmed). I asked if there was a specific department she would like. She said just the general phone number. While looking up the phone number she asked why someone would make a dirty movie in Rye-Harrison. I replied “I do not know.” I gave her a phone number and we said goodbye. She called 3 times that afternoon saying the same thing. It was the day before a hurricane was coming through the area and this was what she was concerned about. I decided to check out the movie (n_n).

Patron: “I need lyrics to a certain song. I listen to a lot of stuff in the middle of the night so I don’t always catch the artist and I tried to call them but they didn’t know so can you help me? It goes like this: ‘la la la la la I turn the radio on.’”

Patron: “I need a lot of information. I need to know how to sue somebody. Can you tell me how to do that? And he’s an atheist. Is that going to matter?”

A guy just asked me why cockroaches don’t die in the microwave. Needing to know where to start my search, I asked how he knew they didn’t. He said, “I have cockroaches and when they are in my microwave they don’t die.”  

On Yahoo! answers, someone explained cockroaches have a low water content so they do eventually die, but it takes much longer than expected.  

I’d been helping a mother and her older teen son. Both were pretty dumb. Near the end of the interaction, the mother says, “And I want a book on dragons!”

I say, “I think most of those will be in the children’s room, but let me check.”

As I’m searching the catalog, she adds, “I want a biography of a dragon. No, an autobiography!”

Inmate: “I need a form for a change of menu.”

Librarian: “—”

Inmate: “—”

Librarian: “Do you mean ‘change of venue?’”

Inmate: “Yeah, one of those.”

A well-known patron called the library:

“Can you please help me? I am getting contradictory information—can you please tell me what today’s date is?”

A patron came to me with her Nook and asked if I could assist her.

Patron: “The password was changed.”

Librarian: “On your library card?  I can reset that here.”

Patron: “No, my Nook’s password.”

Librarian: “I am not sure of how to reset that…”

Patron: “Well, I was getting an e-book from your website on my computer and my dog was on it.”

Librarian: “On your computer or your Nook?”

Patron [completely indignant]: “My dog was on my computer, why would my dog be on my Nook?!”

Librarian: “—”

Patron: “Well, my dog reset my password and now I can’t check items out online.”

Librarian: “Can I reset it now for you?”

Patron: “No! I should just go home and start over.”

Librarian: “Yeah, that might be best.”

- - -

After the patron left, my boss, who’d overheard the exchange, said, “That dog is incredibly smart because you have to verify the new password.”

Librarian [answering the phone]: “Thanks for calling the library, may I help you?”

Man: “Does anyone there know how to fuck?”

Librarian: “Wait—what?”

[click]

Today I received a request for assistance from a female inmate. It seems she wants some help getting a divorce from her husband, but she doesn’t know where he is. She thinks he may be in prison, but she doesn’t know where and she can’t remember his name.

We have a patron who calls at least once per day to ask the most random questions. I have heard crazy stories about her and was dreading answering her call, since I was new. But it had to happen. When I finally got her, I answered all of her questions quickly and correctly. 

Patron: “Thank you so much. You are quite helpful.”

Me: “Well, thank you.”

Patron: “But you really don’t have a phone voice, so I wouldn’t answer the phones anymore if I were you.”

One of my Pro Per (short form for Propria Persona - someone who exercises the right of self-representation in court in lieu of an attorney) at the Jail Law Library claimed to be a Yiddish Druid. He spent most of his study time in the library drawing pentagrams and building henges from scrap paper and toilet rolls. One day he asked me why the letter he had written to his spiritual adviser had been returned as undeliverable. When I asked him how he had addressed the envelope, he said he had written it in Yiddish. I suggested he might have better luck addressing it in English as the Post Office might not have anyone on staff who could read Yiddish. He shortly thereafter lost his Library access privileges for tearing the Gynecologist pages from the phone book. Perhaps it had something to do with an ancient Yiddish Druid rite…

For a period of time late last year I received several requests in the Law Library from a female inmate who claimed that she had died and been reincarnated as herself.

Additionally, she claimed that she was a sovereign nation within the United States and as such enjoyed full diplomatic immunity from all her charges (how convenient!). Her final request reiterated her “position” and she wanted to know how to fire her Judge because he didn’t like her (personally I can’t image why) and he was making illegal decisions. I told her that the Law Library was unable to assist her with this matter and suggested she consult with her attorney. She was sentenced shortly after to one of the State Mental Hospitals where I expect she continues to entertain the staff.

One of my tasks in the Jail Law Library is to answer written requests submitted by jail inmates. The best one to date was from a female inmate who requested a list of the State Mental Hospitals because she was looking for a husband.

I responded by giving her a list and wishing her the best of luck in her search.