Posts tagged 031.02 Curiosities and Wonders

A man asked to speak with the librarian in charge because he wanted to lodge a formal complaint against other patrons in the library.

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Him: “Well, as a Christian and an American, I just get kind of annoyed when people annoy me. I can tell when I sit down next to certain people at a computer, they have a problem with who I am.”

Me: “Can you please give me an example of how the people bother you?”

Him: “Well, for instance, one day I was on Burger King’s website and someone looked over at my screen and suddenly they were on the Burrito Queen’s website. Do you see what I mean. Another time, someone handed me a pencil in a rude way. It made me feel like less of an American.”

Me: “What would you like to see happen?”

Him: “I’d like to write a list of all the times and dates these things happen. So you can tell the government.”

Me: “Well, you are certainly welcome to do so, but I don’t really see how the library can speak up on your behalf in any real way. Can you just come get me the next time someone makes you feel less American?”

Him: “Yes, that’d be okay. Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I can tell you don’t think I’m crazy or a liar.”

Snippet of conversation I overheard as I passed a couple using the Internet computers in our Adult Department: “Well, she has a lot of cats, so she just builds outhouses…”

Patron [digging through wallet for library card]: “Let’s see. It’s white with the dancers on it…well, it reminds me of dancers. Hmmm. Oh, I’m in the wrong pocket…it’s with the medical insurance card. Medical insurance is blue with the fireworks…let’s see. I need to label this wallet better.”

An elderly woman called the library asking if I’d seen the movie Black Swan. I replied I hadn’t. She told me she had heard it was a dirty movie and wanted to know why someone would make a dirty movie about ballet dancing. I replied I didn’t know but I could find out who directed it and she could ask them. She then asked me for the number for Purchase College (located near Harrison, NY where parts of the movie were filmed). I asked if there was a specific department she would like. She said just the general phone number. While looking up the phone number she asked why someone would make a dirty movie in Rye-Harrison. I replied “I do not know.” I gave her a phone number and we said goodbye. She called 3 times that afternoon saying the same thing. It was the day before a hurricane was coming through the area and this was what she was concerned about. I decided to check out the movie (n_n).

I’d been helping a mother and her older teen son. Both were pretty dumb. Near the end of the interaction, the mother says, “And I want a book on dragons!”

I say, “I think most of those will be in the children’s room, but let me check.”

As I’m searching the catalog, she adds, “I want a biography of a dragon. No, an autobiography!”

A well-known patron called the library:

“Can you please help me? I am getting contradictory information—can you please tell me what today’s date is?”

While opening our branch one morning, I noticed the fire extinguisher cabinet had been pried part way open. I couldn’t pull the door open and I couldn’t close it properly, so I went to the key box to locate the key.  After 3 tries of back and forth from key box to extinguisher, our librarian says, “Still no keys?! What if we have a fire?” 

A voice, coming from behind a public computer: “That’s why you BREAK the glass!”

A staff person came to get me to help a more colorful patron.

Me: “How can I help?”

Woman: “I had a computer appointment with someone but I’m an hour late. See, I’ve had headaches for 2 1/2 years, well, 30 years if you really want to know. I’m on a new medication, but it was stolen and it was the only thing that worked for my headaches, so I had to miss my computer class the other day. He said to come in today. But I could be late on account of my headaches. I do have side effects. Depression, suicidal thoughts—”

Me: “Are you having suicidal thoughts now?”

Woman: “No, I just need help with the email. I only know how to reply. See, I have almost a master’s degree in counseling, but I had to quit cos the guy drank like a fish and started abusing me. I had to kick him out.”

Me: “—”

Woman: “I need help getting a job and figuring out the email. I guess being on disability since 1986 doesn’t help my chances, what do you suppose?”

Me: “I’ll have the computer guy call you, okay?”

Woman: “Okay thanks…” [walking away, shouts over shoulder] I AM NOT A CRIMINAL.”

In the computer lab, a patron opposite me was talking to herself quite loudly while working at one of the public computers. Not just talking, but a lot of loud moaning and groaning accompanied by statements such as, “Mmmmmm, oh my, he’s so handsome. Oh I need a man so bad, I gotta get myself some of that…. mmmmmm! Oh, I’m too old for him, I couldn’t handle all that, but I’d sure like to try….mmmmm!”

I went round to have a look at her screen in case she was violating one or another of the library rules for public computer use. The verdict? It appeared to be an online store for men’s underwear.

After helping a woman copy and paste an image from a website to a Word document, she approached me to say thank you.

Woman: “I can’t believe what I’ve figured out. The whole concept of adding pictures to a computer program is so helpful. I’m going to trademark the whole concept.”

Me: “Really? You’ll have to teach a lot of people how to make it work. Let me know if you need more help.”

A mother approached the desk to sign her daughter up for a library card. After I handed her the application, she put it in front of her 10-year-old to fill out.

Girl: “Mom, for name can I put MooMoo?” *giggling*

Mom: “Sure, sweetie.”

I was working the Circulation desk when a gentleman came up for some help.

Patron: “Excuse me I need to get a new library card.” (As he says this, he has his current card in his hand.)

Librarian: “Is something wrong with your current card?”

Patron: “Yes, I am doing some legal work at every time I log onto the Internet. The card attracts viruses so I want to get a new one.”

Librarian: “Um, sir, your library card number just logs you onto the Internet. It has nothing to do with viruses. Um, it might be the websites you are going to.”

Patron: “No, it is definitely the card. I want a new one.”

Librarian: “I can give you a new card for a $3 replacement fee.”

Patron [handing over the cash]: “Ok, I am pretty paranoid.”

Patron: “I have never been to this library, how can I check out these books?”

Librarian: “Do you have a library card?”

Patron: “I have one from Ohio.”

Librarian: “Um, that won’t work in Alabama. Sorry.”

Patron: “Oh, you mean it’s not a national system?”

A woman entered the library, sat down at a computer, signed on, promptly decorated her desk area with Star Wars figurines and a picture of Luke Skywalker before busily clicking around the Internet. Moments later, the woman at the next computer became suddenly irate for no apparent reason. Her wrath was obviously directed at Luke Skywalker Lady.

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU. DON’T YOU LOOK AT ME. GET OUT OF MY HEAD.”

As staff scurried to diffuse the situation, Luke Skywalker Lady, who seemed equally mentally distracted, took it pretty well, keeping focus on her computer tasks and calmly reminding the woman, “You are on camera. You are on camera.”

When the librarian announced to the irate woman that she’d called the police and that she’d better be leaving, the woman stood up, screamed, and then suddenly lifted up her shirt and flashed the entire library. 

She left without further incident.