Posts tagged 598.2 Rare Birds

Cuckoo Carol just locked herself in the dumpster enclosure outside.

Librarian: “CAROL! What the hell are you doing in there?!”

CC: “I saw a magazine I wanted!”

Librarian: “You can’t go in there. Let me help you…”

CC: “There’s another one like it if you want it.”

Librarian: “I don’t want trash! How long have you been stuck in there anyway?”

CC: “Just a few minutes. But I’m thirsty!”

Cuckoo Carol just followed our maintenance worker into the staff room and she was all the way back to the break room before he noticed her.

“What are you doing?! You can’t come back here!” he said.

“Well! I thought you should know there’s a light bulb out in the lobby!”

“Will you please get out of here?”

“Ungrateful!” she said, blowing a raspberry, spit flying.

Cuckoo Carol: “The schedule on the wall says a group called FTPCU is using the meeting room tonight. What does FTPCU stand for?”

Me: “Hmm. I’m not sure. If they just use an acronym when they reserve the room, we don’t know what group they are.”

Cuckoo Carol: “Well, is there anyone here that’s smarter than you?”

Man, shaking head with incredulity: “There’s a woman outside drinking out of a sweat sock!”

I overheard this at the reference desk, between a coworker and a regular patron, Cuckoo Carol.

Librarian: “Carol! Why did you just come behind the desk?”

Cuckoo Carol: “I was just returning the newspaper to the cubby hole.”

Librarian: “But you normally throw it down on the counter! What’s different about today?”

Cuckoo Carol: “Jeez-Louise, I was TRYING to help. That’s not anything you’d understand.”

Librarian: “Just leave it on the counter next time!”

Cuckoo Carol: “Try to be more helpful next time!” [sticks out her tongue]

Cuckoo Carol: “Is that a cane I see there? Is that a Lost & Found item? I’ve got dibs if no one comes back for it!”

Cuckoo Carol: “Where is the restroom?”

Me: “Just through those doors.”

CC: “I’m supposed to drink a lot of water before I donate blood tomorrow. That’s why I need the bathroom. Because of all the water. Because I’m donating blood. I need to use the bathroom!”

We had a fire drill at the library today. Cuckoo Carol hates being out of the loop, so she’s always the last to leave. Here was our latest mid-evacuation conversation:

CC: “Is this just a drill or what?”

Me: “Please evacuate the building now.”

CC [slowly hobbling toward door]: “I’m a-goin, I’m a-goin’. I don’t see any smoke though.”

Me: “Please just keep going. You’re the last one!”

CC [with hands on hips]: “What if I don’t wanna?”

Me: “Ma’am. Please exit the building. You’re almost there!”

CC: “Don’t be so pushy. My hip hurts, you know. If this is just a drill, I might have to see my lawyer about this. I don’t know why you won’t just tell me. I could help you, you know.”

Me: “Look, if you don’t exit the library, we can’t give the ‘all clear’ and that means you can’t use the computer today.”

CC: “If there was a real fire, I suppose you’d just leave me at the computer to burn up, wouldn’t you?”

Me: “—”

CC: “I’m a-goin’, I’m a-goin’”.

One of our regular library patrons, Cuckoo Carol, approached me at the reference desk today. Here is the exchange that was had:

CC: “I wanted to tell you…the other day I was walking past the magazines and right there on the table was a porn magazine. Right where a kid could see it!”

Me: “What was the name of it?”

CC: “I don’t know! I took it right over to the police station and had it shredded. I just wanted to let you know that there is a homo that comes in here.”

Me: “—”

CC: “…Not that I have anything against homos, but not at the library, you know what I’m saying!”

Me: “Well, I appreciate you approaching me with this. We try to keep an eye out, but your coming up here is a good reminder that there sure are a lot of weirdos out there!”