Posts tagged 658.812 The Telephone

An elderly woman called the library asking if I’d seen the movie Black Swan. I replied I hadn’t. She told me she had heard it was a dirty movie and wanted to know why someone would make a dirty movie about ballet dancing. I replied I didn’t know but I could find out who directed it and she could ask them. She then asked me for the number for Purchase College (located near Harrison, NY where parts of the movie were filmed). I asked if there was a specific department she would like. She said just the general phone number. While looking up the phone number she asked why someone would make a dirty movie in Rye-Harrison. I replied “I do not know.” I gave her a phone number and we said goodbye. She called 3 times that afternoon saying the same thing. It was the day before a hurricane was coming through the area and this was what she was concerned about. I decided to check out the movie (n_n).

Patron: “Do y’all have the Facebook?”

Me: “Um, you want to use Facebook?”

Patron: “Yeah, all my friends say I should get the Facebook. So, do y’all have it?”

A well-known patron called the library:

“Can you please help me? I am getting contradictory information—can you please tell me what today’s date is?”

After helping a patron get a replacement library card, I noticed that she left the card on the counter. I remembered her telling me that she was in a hurry because she was on her way to work so I called the work number she had on file.

Me: “Excuse, is Ms. Smith there?”

Lady on the phone: “No, she hasn’t arrived yet. She will be here soon though.”

Me: “Can I leave a message?”

Lady: “No.”

Me: “Um…no?”

Lady: “No, I really don’t like taking messages.”

Librarian [answering the phone]: “Thanks for calling the library, may I help you?”

Man: “Does anyone there know how to fuck?”

Librarian: “Wait—what?”

[click]

A patron returned a video game case without the disc. When I called to let her know, an interesting exchange ensued.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m calling to let you know that a video game case was returned, but the disc was not inside.”

Woman [sounding intoxicated]: “My brother uses my card.”

Me: “Ok, if you could just let him know about the missing game?”

Woman: “I don’t understand what you are saying….”

Me: “The case was returned without the disc.”

Woman: “I don’t understand what you are saying and I don’t care.”

Me: “Ma’am if you could just inform your brother that he still has the disc…”

Woman: “I just don’t understand.”

Me: “Your brother has the disc. We have the case, ma’am.”

Woman: “Whatever. I don’t understand and I don’t care.”

Patron [via phone]: “You can renew your driver’s license at the library right?”

A patron called the library from a pay phone in the bus depot saying that President Obama hadn’t answered her letter demanding that marijuana and other illegal drugs be legalized. She wanted to know who she should call to register a complaint and press her case for legalization.

I gave her the main number for the DEA.

We have a patron who calls at least once per day to ask the most random questions. I have heard crazy stories about her and was dreading answering her call, since I was new. But it had to happen. When I finally got her, I answered all of her questions quickly and correctly. 

Patron: “Thank you so much. You are quite helpful.”

Me: “Well, thank you.”

Patron: “But you really don’t have a phone voice, so I wouldn’t answer the phones anymore if I were you.”

Just before Christmas last year came this phone call from a patron.

Patron: “Yes, hi, I was wondering if you could help me.”

Librarian: “Sure.”

Patron: “I was thinking of getting my wife a library card for Christmas.”

Librarian: “Um, sir, library cards are FREE!”

Patron: “Great!!”

First phone call of the day, 9:02AM.

Patron: “Do you still collect the outdoor book drop at 9AM?”

Librarian: “Yes, sir.”

Patron: “Well, I have been waiting since 8:45 and no one has come out to get it. Why not?”

Librarian: “Okay, I’ve requested the book for you. We’ll call you with an automated message when it comes in.”

Woman: “Could you do my cell phone?”

Librarian: “Sure.”

Woman: “Is it like a text message?”

Librarian: “No, it’s a voice message. Like when you check your voice mail?”

Woman: “So you’ll call me?”

Librarian: “Well, it’s an automated message telling you your book is here.”

Woman: “So it’s an automatron? Or …?”

Librarian: “Yes, that’s right. A machine will leave you a message.”

Woman: “But how will I know it’s from the library?”

Librarian: “That’s what the message will say!”

Woman: “Is it a text message?”

Librarian: “Are you joking?”

Woman: “I think I get it. I just have to wait, right?”

Librarian: “Thanks for calling the library, may I help you?”

Man: “Yes, I need the number for the university.”

Librarian: “Okay, which one?”

Man: “Doesn’t matter.”

Librarian: “Well, who are you trying to reach?”

Man: “I’m trying to reach the university.”

Librarian: “You want me to just pick one?”

Man: “I just need the number.”

Librarian: “Thanks for calling the library, may I help you?”

Man [in Southern gentleman drawl]: “Yes, this Facebook that people speak of….is this something you can check out of the library?”

Librarian: “No. It’s a website.”

Man: “So it’s not a book?”

Librarian: “Thanks for calling the library, may I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, were you closed yesterday?”

Librarian: “No, huh-uh, we were open 9 to 5 yesterday.”

Woman: “So you weren’t closed?”

Libarian: “No.”

Woman: “Someone told me you were closed.”

Librarian: “Well, we weren’t closed.”

Woman: “Wait, you WERE closed? I thought you just said you were open.”

Librarian: “No, we were OPEN yesterday. Open. Yesterday. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Woman: “I wanted to make a computer reservation yesterday.”

Librarian: “Okay…..did you want to make a reservation today instead?”

Woman: “No thanks, I’m busy today.” [click]